meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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