I just cut my nipple shaving
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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