stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
