pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
