Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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