The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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