Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Text me some of your sweat
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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