I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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