Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
