You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
