Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Randomize
