My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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