My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
