I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
