you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
