I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
