The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
