The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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