Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
