you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
