you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
