Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
