who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
