You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
