My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
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