I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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