so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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