There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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