god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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