just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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