it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
