I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
