Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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