the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
