I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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