He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
