wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
