I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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