i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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