is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
