is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's official drugs can't kill me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
