why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
