we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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