I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
