where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
