I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
