I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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