dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh god it's open bar.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
