coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
