it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
