I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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