I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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