I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
