Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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