You work out of a Hotel?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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