My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
